Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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