Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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