beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
