maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize