What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
thus making me awesome and them whores
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
