dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize