is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize