Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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