You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
false alarm. still invincible.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
