I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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