I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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