Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize