I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just googled if crying burns calories
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
