the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
