she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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