Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
