I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
