I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Everything about him screamed your future.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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