who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize