Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
