There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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