i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
True college students do jello shots in the library
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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