You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Can I color on your dick again?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
