Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm way too hungover for life right now
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
