Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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