just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I need to align my fucking chakras
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
