hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
