Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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