So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Houston, we have a squirter
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
