They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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