Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
