She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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