Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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