Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
