My room smells like vodka and shame
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize