I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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