I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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