Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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