I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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