You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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