It's Friday. Sex?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
