Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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