I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
