Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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