Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
