Define "chronic" masturbator.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
