I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
