In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
