i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Randomize