I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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