Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
