you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
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