I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
