We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
