Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
