Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
