I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
