do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
