I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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