we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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