My first STD was from a foam party
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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