i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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