Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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