all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
