I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
