These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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