4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
