He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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