they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She just used a chaser for red wine.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
