I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
