I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I use my feet as sexual weapons
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
