Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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