You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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