I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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